The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
BRING THE BAGELS
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
