Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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