I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
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my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
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When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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