I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
