I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
