I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
19 People Did The Wildest Things When They Were Black-Out Drunk
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
We left an ass print on the piano.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
21 Signs That A Dude is Probably Insane
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye