Tap Here to view the Mobile Optimized TFLN
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
What did we do last night that was yellow?
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Randomize
Follow @tfln