Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
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