p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Randomize
