mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
A bitchslap is in order.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.