When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
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