i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
