It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
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