I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
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