I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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