What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
