There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
