is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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