So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Randomize
