I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
I skipped work to stalk him.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
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