My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
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