I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Randomize
