he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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