You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Randomize
