I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
