You work out of a Hotel?
You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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