I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
