whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
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