Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
I could make wine with my vomit
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sacagawea was the original milf.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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