what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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