Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
