He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
