Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Randomize
