I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Randomize
