Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
