So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
