wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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