In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Watching her eat just hurts me
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Randomize
