I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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