So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
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