so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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