i will never coherently bang her
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Randomize
