i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
