Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
