im six kinds of drunk right now
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
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She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
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I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
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