I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
