A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
