so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
i will never coherently bang her
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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