What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
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We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
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