I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Randomize
