I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
Randomize
