Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
