You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
