Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
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