can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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