I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I just blew my weed a kiss
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
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