Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
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