Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Randomize
