i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
