This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He better not be in your backpack
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
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