whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
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