wanna go halves on a baby?
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
