"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Randomize
