How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
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