i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
