Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
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