I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
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