i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
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