I wish I could teleport
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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