he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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