I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize