Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Randomize
