first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
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