you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
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