Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Randomize
