butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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