a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Drunk walkin through police station. America
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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