we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
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What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
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