My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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