I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
