Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
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