note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Randomize
