booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
