i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
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