So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Randomize
