Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
