I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
