Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
someone owes me an orgasm
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Randomize
