When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
Randomize
