Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Randomize
