I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
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