I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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