I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Randomize
