I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Randomize
