Well douche your snatch and let's go!
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
